| your what i want... |
[24 Sep 2004|03:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bouncy |
] |
well it's been a lil since i updated this piece. not much exciting has been going on, everything is good though. i get my fucking car in 3 weeks...THANK GOD! being that my sister totaled mine..IN APRIL! bullshit but whatever. jernigan got outta jail like a week ago :) tight shit. uhm tonight i'm prolly getting drunk....mm fun? i hate doing the same shit all the time, but i have fun, i dont fucking know im not gunna get into this fucked up mind of mine. ;D
ok wellll i hate this thing. later.
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| your love is a razorblade kiss |
[21 Sep 2004|03:15pm] |
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mood |
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 disappointed |
] |
i really am sorry if i come off as childish, but when i go out of my way to make something for you because i love you and i don't even get a thank you..all i get is "it's not perfect" well if that hurts my feelings and i get defensive, sorry if that makes me immature. but my feelings get hurt easily, and that was a good way to do it. =/...i hate this.
I found myself wrong again
starin out my window
wonderin what it is I should have said
I found myself at home again
waitin for the after call
from a fallout that feels like such a mess
Ohhh I can only be myself
Im sorry that's hell for you
heyyy so whats my damage today
dont let me get in your way
let it out like you always do
the trouble between me and you
Is nothing new
you know how to give it but you cant take it
Its all just a waste now you can save it
no matter what I do
Its never good enough
i love you :(
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| i hope you never fade..as you drip through my veins |
[19 Sep 2004|12:48pm] |
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mood |
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 awake |
] |
lmfaoooooo omg last night was soo funny. we got angela REALLY drunk for like the first time. i told her to buy a pint of jack, and she fuckin drank it for the most part allllll to herself. and i told her, because i know from horrible first hand experience that jack will fuck you up once it hits you, and when you wake up the next morning, you won't remember a goddamn thing. did she listen to me? nahh. she just kept taking shot after shot, and i tried telling her to just calm down and drink slower, cuz my dumbass drank jack outta the bottle and i was fucked the fuck up. i still to this day don't remember anything i did that night. haha well like i said, she was GONEEEEEE and i had a pretty fat buzz so just watching her drunk ass try and play ps2 was cracking me up! lmfao. then she started to feel sick, and she ended up just passing out downstaires. lmao. i guess you just have to picture in your mind, a drunk angela sheets just stumbling around the house. hahaha. we got some funny ass pictures too. i'll update later and put them in my entry, but right now i gotta go take a shower. fuck.
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| you make me wanna LaLa ;D |
[18 Sep 2004|01:16pm] |
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mood |
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 happy |
] |
woo hoo i fixed my journal. mother fuck yes. so uhm yeah today is mine and daniel's anneversary, and i'm def. getting fucked up! WOOOO :) lets see...i was grounded yesterday so i snuck out around 11 and i stayed the night over dan's with brittney. and i got to fall asleep with my love. :-* i was quite happy about that. i'm not really doing much at this moment. i just decided to update to show my extreme happiness of the fixture of my journal. :) i'll update later if there's anything worthy of telling you fucks. ;D
love,
heather.
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| mother fuck yes |
[17 Sep 2004|08:42pm] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
] |
Leave your name and I'll tell you exactly what I think of you. Even if it's bad. I'm Totally honest. Even if i don't even hardly know you. cmon man DO IT! 8D
uh even though my journal is bein an asshole, you should do this, cuz it'd be pretty fuckin cool of you to do it. yeah.
love,
heather.
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| call it what you wanna call it, im a fuckin alcoholic |
[15 Sep 2004|05:38pm] |
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mood |
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 loved |
] |
*** It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
without saying a word you can light up the dark
try as I may I could never explain
what I hear when you don't say a thing
all day long I can hear people talking out loud
but when you hold me near ; you drown out the crowd
old Mr. Webster could never define
what's being said between your heart and mine
the smile on your face lets me know that you need me
there's a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me
the touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall
you say it best when you say nothing at all ***
i love you baby!
well i'm really excited for this weekend..for one i'm getting fuckin drunk...yeah i'm an alcoholic what can i say? and saturdayyyyyyy <33 ;D i love you daniel *muah*!
other than that..i'm pretty stressed out. :/..i'm trying not to think about it, but how can i not? that's like thee most stressing thing in the world. WOW WOW WOW..what am i gunna do?! ahhh.
bLah!! i already have enough drama in my life..fuck.
oh yeah ps. homecoming is in less than a month. sweet. can't wait to get fucked up after that O:)
wow i think i need to go to AA. :P
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| would you kill for this...just a little bit? |
[12 Sep 2004|03:56pm] |
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mood |
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 high |
] |
these past couple days have been crazy, fuckin saturday, i smoked from when i woke up til like 8*30 at night, we just kept smoking cigaweed after bowl and more bowls, then a blunt...i mean wow i was just smoked the fuck out. then i took some xannies for the first time while i was at bret's, and dan called me like 23948239 times bitching and yelling at me for being with my friends, and i know he did it intentionally to ruin my night because "i ruined his" but whatever i went back over there with dan so i didnt have to ruin my friends nights along with mine. then i went home and britt stayed the night. and we cleaned my room this morning then i went to dan's and smoked alot..and whatever. now i'm at home and we're getting ready to go to the pool hall. fun fun.
yeah well hopefully i'll get to see dan later since he's moving today. cool. i love you.
later.
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| bLah... |
[11 Sep 2004|09:54am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
] |
^aww, dan likes that movie :)...i just thought that was cute
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| you will always be my boo... |
[10 Sep 2004|11:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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worried |
] |
i knew today was gunna be a horrible day. i even told dan earlier today "i have a feeling something really bad is going to happen tonight, because in my life when one thing bad happens, everything bad happens" :( were all pretty much drunk and/or high, and a cop fucking busts in the house and arrests dan while i'm downstaires..then checks shit around the house and kicked shit around saying a bunch of bullshit, then they took dan and i was so .. i mean shocked and sad, i didnt know what to do. then we go for a ride to pick up ryan cuz he jumped out the back window, lmao. and we get back to the house and dan is there! and i was sooooo happy and relieved. they let him go because they really didnt have shit on him. and he's moving tomorrow, and i'm not gunna see him as much. :/ which really upsets me. I LOVE YOU BABY! don't ever forget that.
i'm gunna go lay down...cuz i don't need all this drama in my life. :/
later.
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| you will always be my boo.. |
[10 Sep 2004|06:36am] |
| [ |
mood |
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loved |
] |
well things are slowly going back to normal somewhat. me and tabby just agreed to stop talking to each other and about the whole situation, which is for the best. because i really dont need the trouble in school, im trying to do good in school this year being that i fucked up last year. and me and dan are pretty good. i'm not sure where he gets off trying to pull that shit yesterday, but other than that..it's tiiight :P uhm, today is friday, THANK GOD! i needed a fucking friday hardcoreeeee. tonight's the game vs. GI..so i'm most likely going to that shit, then maybe the dance afterwards? i'm sure dan won't like that, but i'm not gunna miss out on the things a 16 year old girl should be able to do, just because i have an older boyfriend? hmm..then hopefully after that i'm getting drunk, cuz i'm a fuckin alcoholic :)
yeah well i gotta get ready for fucking school.....ahh suck my dick.
<33
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| maybe i'm a little bit over my head |
[08 Sep 2004|06:56am] |
| [ |
mood |
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drained |
] |
well shits just been so fucked up lately. i seriously just feel like i'm empty. like nothing matters to me anymore. all this stress is really hitting me hard. school, dan, my "friends", my family. everywhere i look there's a problem that has something to do with me, and i just dont wanna deal with anything. i just want everything to go away. i can't take this, it's making me not even act like me anymore! i feel completely, emotionally drained. maybe i'm not as strong as a person i thought i was. =/ sometimes i just wanna lay in my bed all day and stare at my ceiling. if i do that, i cant do anything wrong, no one can do anything wrong to me, and i wont have to deal with listening to all this bullshit drama. there's just a million things going through my mind constantly. should i have taken him back? should i have given him another chance after what he did? should i forgive tabby? after all the shit she's saying, trying to scramble and say anything to make sure she doesn't look bad. should i tell my mom about my little problem..i only told the people i trust, and i guess i'll find out how much i can trust them. but i really could careless if people know, because i don't care what people think about me.
ugh...i don't even have time to be doing this, i gotta go to school. i just had to get my feelings out, if i keep letting them build and build i'm gunna go crazy,
thanks for listening to me bitch. :) heh. :/
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| the best 30 seconds of my life... |
[06 Sep 2004|10:04am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sore |
] |
well last night was interesting. luke was talking shit to some guy from grosse ile, so all the guys started telling those guys to come to the house. it was dan, ryan, luke, bob, and andi. bob luke and andi were outside playing basketball, then all of the sudden those people call back and said they're on their way. and we look outside and bob andi and luke are gone? wtf. so we call them, "oh we'll be there in a min" ok they aren't there when 15 mother fucking people show up. amber's pregnant, i'm drunk, dan's drunk, and ryan's just pissed beyond all belief. those mother fuckers knock down jernigans fence, and so ryan and dan just start chucking the liquor bottles at them. and i went to grab a bottle because i was so pissed, and i though they were trying to come in the house, and i didnt see ryan or dan so i stepped out on the back porch to make sure they're dumbasses didn't go out in the middle of those assholes, and the next thing i know some fucking bitch throws a bottle at me, and i thought it was a jack bottle, but judging by the bruise on my chest right now it was a henny bottle. i went flying backwards and hit my head off the side of the house, and that mother fucker knocked the wind outta me. but i was soooooo fucking pissed i picked up a jack bottle that was on the porch and threw it as hard as i could at the fucking asshole, and i hit him in the shoulder, too bad, i was aiming for his fucking head! and it was hard to breathe, so i went inside and tried to sit and calm down, but i was so incredibly pissed, and i hear amber screaming, so i go out there and those people are at the windows and shit. omg i was so scared and pissed and UGH, because there wasn't shit i could do against 15 guys, but there was shit i could do against the like 2 girls they had with them. and amber's screaming for those girls to come up there, but of course those pussy ass bitches didn't.
GODDDDDD I'M SO MAD. then after those guys leave, the cops show up, we had to clean up the glass, yeah cool whatever. THEN luke andi and bob show back up. and dan was so pissed that luke just left knowing those guys were coming over with problems with luke. and dan was mad that i got hit because of it. yeah well i wasn't even worried about being hit, i was worried about finding those fuckers that came over here and killing them. but dan and his hot tempered ass runs over there and starts beating on luke...and it all happened kinda fast, he hit luke like i swear it seemed like 8 times, then he fell and dan was like..stomping on him. then they pulled him off and i'm screaming at him telling him to stop, because i felt like it was my fault that he was hitting luke, it's not luke's fault that fucking dick hit me. then luke ran...and wow i don't even know, shit was just crazy last night. but then i asked dan to apologize to luke, and he did so i'm glad everything is cool there. :) well yeah that was a lot of fucking typing.
later.
i can't wait to leave this place<333
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| now you tell me you need me... |
[05 Sep 2004|01:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 aggravated |
] |
the more i think about this whole situation the more sick to my fuckin stomach it makes me! someone that can call themself one of my "best friends" can have sex with MY FUCKIN BOYFRIEND, and someone that can tell me they love me then have sex with MY "BEST FRIEND"...well they're a bunch of fucking liars. and to think i would actually stay with you after that bullshit? what were you thinking. yeah i do love you, but i dont love being hurt. and to my "best friend" thanks for ruining the one thing in my life that actually made me happy, you knew exactly what you were doing, and you loved the attention you got from him. well im sorry to disappoint you but he was drunk and regrets that more than anything in the world, so i would appreciate it if you stopped going around telling people he loves you, because he wants nothing to do with you. and either do i. i agreed to give him another chance at being my FRIEND but nothing more, because yeah i cheated on him before and he gave me another chance, so i guess he deserves a chance to be my friend. but you, you dont deserve my friendship because you're too much of a pussy to even admit it to me. deny it all you want, but i'm not fuckin naive. maybe it was my fault the situation happened the first time, and i told you i wasn't mad at you for that, but you did it a second time! YOU FUCKING MAKE ME SICK!
god the more i sit here and think about this i'm gunna go INSANE and fucking kill someone.
UGH! FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!
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| i try so hard to say goodbye |
[04 Sep 2004|04:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
numb |
] |
as I'm talking my words slip to the floor
and they crawl through your legs and slide under the back door
rendering me freakish and dazed
well here I am. I don't know how to say this
the only thing I know is awkward silence
your eyelids close when you're around me
to shut me out
I'll make my way across the frozen sea,
beyond the blank horizon,
where I can forget "you and me"
and get a decent night's sleep
=/
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| i'll drink my pain away... |
[04 Sep 2004|10:03am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 depressed |
] |
the rumors flew...
but nobody knew how much she blamed herself
she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath
he put her out like the burnin end of a midnight cigarette
he broke her heart
she spent her whole life tryin to forget
we watched her drink her pain away a little at a time
but she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind
until the night
she put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
and finally drank away his memory
life is short but this time it was bigger
than the strength she had to get up off her knees
we found her with her face down in the pillow
with a note that said I'll love him til I die
:'( :'(...ouch. :(
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| i love youuuu ;D |
[03 Sep 2004|10:21am] |
| [ |
mood |
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loved |
] |
*** lately I find I'm caught up in these thoughts
how will you come to me
how will we connect these hearts
are you somewhere near
hidden like a four-leaf clover
are you miles away
are we getting any closer
I already see us moving mountains
I already see us walk in water
I already see the clouds we're flying
over and under
I can really see us having babies
walking through the park and being lazy
I already see myself falling in love eternally
and I think that's just the way it's gonna be
being with you
Is a like a scene from a dream in heaven
I feel you running through..all my senses
will you taste like rain
can I breathe you like air
will I lose myself in your arms somewhere ***
uhm me and dan are back together. yeah yeah i know you all predicted that shit. but i'm happy! ;D
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| stole this from amanda ;D |
[01 Sep 2004|06:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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eh im ok |
] |
A is for Age ; 16
B is for Boyfriend(Girlfriend) ; not anymore =/
C is for Career(in future) ; photographer
D is for Dad's name ; Leslie
E is for Essential item to bring to a party ; liquor. duh.
F is for Favorite song at the moment: brad paisley - a whiskey lullaby :(
G is for Guys or Girls: guys
H is for Hometown: like where i was born? Anaheim California BITCH
I is for Instruments you play: uhm the keyboard and i used to play the flute, who knows if i still can
J is for Job title: uhm i'm a student but i filled out a bunch of apps for a new job
K is for Kids: not right now, but one day
L is for Living arrangement: i live with my parents cuz they refuse to let me move out til i graduate
M is for Mom's name: Jennifer
N is for Number of people you've slept with: 3 as if it matters
O is for Overnight hospital stays: 2 or 3
P is for Pizza topping ; pepperoni and pineapple ;D
Q is for Quixotic: what the fuck does that mean?!
R is for Relationship that lasted the longest: 4 years
S is for show size ; 6 and 1/2 :)
T is for Time you wake up: uhm for school like 5*30 but on weekends not til later
U is for Unique traits: i have long eyelashes and i can touxh my nose with my tongue ;D
V is for Vegetable you love: peas :)
W is for Worst habit: smoking and drugs i guess
X is for X-rays done: like 4 i think
Y is for Yummy food you make: swedish meat balls
Z is for Zodiac sign: taurus
^idk i got bored fuckers.
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| so much for my happy ending</3 |
[01 Sep 2004|03:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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crushed |
] |
I'm sittin' here all by myself
just tryin' to think of something to do
Tryin' to think of something, anything
just to keep me from thinking of you
But you know it's not working out
cause you're all that's on my mind
One thought of you is all it takes
to leave the rest of the world behind
Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back..but I know you did
I'm sittin' here tryin' to convince myself
that you're not the one for me
But the more I think, the less I believe it
and the more I want you here with me
:'(
...i dont think i even need to really write what i'm feeling becase that song says it all.
i guess the only thing left to do now is try and move on, i can't dwell on this..i'll go insane.
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| there's no escape ; just countless mistakes |
[31 Aug 2004|08:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
gloomy |
] |
well i guess me and dan are taking a "break" but how many people that take breaks do you know get back together? =/...and i know it's my fault, but all in all it still..well just plain fuckin sucks.
*** no one will love you
love you like I do
and there's no escape
just countless mistakes
no one will love you
no one will love you the way I do
it will never be the same
witness trust fade away
no one will love you
no one will love you the way I do ***
there's nothing else worth updating about. =/ later.
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| daaaamn |
[29 Aug 2004|03:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hung over..yuck |
] |
yeah well my life goal is completed. and i dont think i'm ever gunna do that again. i got so fucking wasted last night, and when i woke up i couldnt remember anything i mean i could remember little ass things, but dan and ryan were telling me all this stupid shit i was doing and i couldn't remember it AT ALL. i was like daaamn how fucked up was i? i drank a fifth of jack right out of the bottle, just taking big ass drinks and shit. not to mention all the shots i took. and i woke up soo naked, sore, and hung over. i beat the shit outta myself last night or something. lol but i'm sorry for pissen off whoever i pissed off last night, i was just a drunken mess, i didn't mean to piss anyone off.
hmm well i feel like shit so i'm gunna go lay down or some shit.
laterrrrr.
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sexx_pistol's journal
